I'm an INTJ and I'm a woman and that makes me kind of a freak of nature.
I discovered this in the past few years as I have learned about Myers Briggs, a personality indicator based on Carl Jung's theory that asserts that we all have innate preferences that direct how we see the world and how we operate in it. When broken down, you get 16 different personality types and I am an INTJ: Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging. In other words, I am introverted, I focus on the big picture and exciting connections between ideas, I prefer to make decisions based off of objective logic and focus on systems and theories, and I like closure and structure. INTJs are known to challenge the status quo and also get the reputation of being just a little arrogant and callused when it comes to feelings because we tend to think we're always right and hold our emotions close to our vest. And, well, we have been described as "masterminds," I'm just sayin. (For more information about Myers Briggs check out the Myers Briggs Foundation.)
In the process of becoming certified in Myers Briggs I not only discovered that you can explain every oddity about me (well, almost every one) through the lens of my personality but also that as an INTJ I am part of only about 1-3% of the population and as a female INTJ I am probably represented in less than 1% of the population of the WORLD. So, just when I was starting to feel more normal I realized I really am a freak of nature!
I wouldn't have necessarily let you know it but before I knew anything about Myers Briggs and my personality type I thought there must be something wrong with me. I've been "different" since I was very young, just ask my parents. But as I grew older I began to realize that not only was I just different in general, but I was also very different from most other girls. At the risk of stereotyping all women, I didn't cry at sappy romance scenes in movies, I didn't "awww" over small puppies and babies, I hated baby showers, wedding showers, teas, and any other activity that was filled with lots of high pitched squealing and "frivolous" activities. I'd rather talk world politics, literature, philosophy, and connect with someone through a a deep intellectual wrestling than discuss the type of food we like or the best places to find sales on purses.
In fact, being different has become part of my identity. I have always been the tall girl, the Christian girl, the homeschooled girl, the girl who didn't drink, the girl with her nose in a book, etc., and if those weren't enough I was the girl who didn't really think or act like a girl. That's a whole lot of different. On a good day I believe that God made me just this freakish because He has a special role for me here on earth. On a bad day I just feel frustrated, misunderstood, and insecure.
Yes, being an INTJ woman can make me a little awkward in social settings, especially those dominated by estrogen, and can make me a little intimidating because I speak my mind with conviction, but what I really wrestle with.is the different ways that I, as an INTJ, see being a woman, a Christ-follower, a wife, a waiting adoptive mother, a missionary. I see godly women all around me that I admire and cherish, but there aren't many that I identify with or see myself in. Sometimes I feel like I'm forging a path "less traveled" and it can be lonely and frustrating out here!
However, lest you think this blog is a plea for sympathy let me tell you that even on the bad days I am grateful to be who God made me, and ultimately I just want to create a platform for other women like me to not feel alone or isolated in our pursuit of a godly life as a _____ woman....you fill in the blank with your own "different." I believe there are god-given roles for men and women in the church, but I'd challenge that they are probably less confining than we make them. I always come back to the thought that God wouldn't have made me like this if He didn't know that there was a way to be me and be used for His kingdom! And I know that's true for you too.
I'm probably always going to be that woman who tells you what I think, will remind you that it wasn't just us women who were commanded to be meek and submissive, will make some men intimidated when I wear heels and my I'm-OK-with-being-in-charge-if-I need-to be face. I will not feel that my god-given role is confined only to the home, and I will want to barf when I see men knowingly or unknowingly diminish the roles of women in the church to babysitters and "pulpit candy." But I am working on saying and doing these things in love and humility and reflecting Christ as best as I can in the person He made me to be. I don't always get it right but I'm trying. If this describes you as well, then know you're not alone and even though it sometimes feels like an uphill battle the Lord can use you and your gifts and talents and personality.
Be you in Christ, and if you (and I) sometimes feel like a "different" kind of freak, embrace it...God may have something different for you to do today.
***CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG The INTJ Life***
Sweetheart Adria,
ReplyDeleteIt is fun taking the Myers Briggs, but if you take several times you will find that you can adjust your answers to become any type you want. I went through as a guinea pig in a class my high school principal was taking. We drove him crazy since we were different people each week that he took us to his class. Oh well, I am different too! Mostly aggravating and passive-aggressive.
Love you, Pepere xoxo
I've come across and taken the Meyers Briggs test 3 times over the past years. Happened to become an INTJ every single time, despite having no idea whether or not I answered the same things every time.
DeleteEach time I ended up finding a random link to the test, then not realizing it was the same(ish) one until I got the result. And honestly, the description of the INTJ probably fits me more perfectly then anything else I've ever read. Almost makes me feel like a 1% stereotype.
Missed first post AGAIN?!
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm sure Pepere's mischievous friends enjoyed manipulating the system, our true selves are hard to hide, especially from the one's close to us. You were always a tough nut, Adria. You're certainly more "Popeye" than "Olive Oil" - pugnacious, confident, and with little patience for the trivial. But I also know the side of you that has deep love for those truly hurting or being abused, the side that so wants to be affirmed in your work, and even the side that is so afraid to make a "mistake" that she has trouble choosing what flavor of ice cream to have...
We were certainly privileged to be a part of your growing up, but we were relieved that you chose missionary work instead of crime boss. It could have gone either way.... :)
Love,
Daddio
I'm an INTJ woman too. And I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying. I've always been "different." I've always been sort of awkward, and a little left of where everybody else was. The description describes me almost perfectly. Almost lol. I've been praying on it, and I guess in the end I'm beginning to understand and accept my uniqueness. God made me this way for a reason. Maybe I always had such a hard time blending in because I was never supposed to blend in. God didn't call me to be like everyone else. He called me to be me.
ReplyDeleteI love me now, a lot more than I did before. It was a long process to recover from a lot of the emotional abuse I had gone through as a kid. But again, I'm grateful. Sometimes you just know that God put you here for a reason. And it's a good feeling to have :) I didn't always feel that way.
Anyway, I don't mean to ramble. I just want to let you know that this post means something to me, and it made me smile at a time when it's much easier to sigh. To know that I'm not the only one, and to know that I too am fearfully and wonderfully made...it's nice. Thank you :)
Thanks for sharing your story. I never realized how many women felt the same way I did. The response to this post inspired me to start a blog all about being an INTJ woman. It's tough to do it alone, so maybe we don't have to! http://theintjlife.blogspot.com/
DeleteI really appreciate your comments. I have been struggling with being an INTJ. Depending on how I view myself at the time, I can change the MBTI test results. This was frustrating for a while, till I realized that I have just been struggling against my true self. As I am finally accepting it I am actually feeling some relief and a sense of pride in who I am. As a girl I hated pink! I loved blue: the color of the sky. I loved to stare out my window at night and watch the moon slowly float across the sky. I have always been different. I remember a point in my early childhood that I came to detest any kind of fiction book (because what was the point of reading if its not true?) Then, at my school library I discovered the "how to.." books and I think I checked out and read every one of them. In junior high I discovered that I loved to write after a teacher made us keep a journal. At that time in my life an avid writer was born. But its nothing of value, really. Just observations. I got into church at 16 (severely neglected child, I was) and the church took me under their wing. At that point I dove into theology. I challenged ministers, asked questions they couldn't answer. I went on to bible college for two years and then took a trip to Russia for 8 months. After this I almost got a ministerial license but did not feel that it was my calling so I stepped down. By this time (I was building my system) I started to notice some inconsistencies. It took some years (by the way, about relationships: totally non interested till my late twenties, got married to the first man I dated in my adult life at age 28...and now am separated as he turned out to be abusive, but that's another story) and during the earlier years of my marriage (we have been married for 5 years) I realized that the denomination I had invested 16 years into was preaching false doctrine. I left and now am wandering. I gravitate to the churches that are the nearest to what I believe, and I don't make waves. Recently, amidst my separation with my husband I have realized that I have a deep love of science, and in particular: physics. I am contemplating returning to school to major in physics but I have quite an internal conflict about it. I have always felt the need to help people. Maybe this is because of past traumas, abuse and abandonment. But I have come to realize that this exhausts my energy and is extremely difficult for me. It is not my strong point. I would much rather use knowledge to help people rather than directly. Where the guilt comes in, is with physics I can't see any kind of an impact I could make toward humanity from a Christian standpoint. I have thought about majoring in English and then at least I could be influential that way. But to be totally honest, I love science most of all (not more than God, of course). I don't see science in conflict with religion. When I think about physics God is connected to my sense of awe. I constantly am reminded of how He created things in amazing ways! I feel that it draws me closer to Him the same way staring at a starry night should draw anyone closer to him. Yet still, I am struggling with guilt about taking my life in this direction. I was delighted to read that you are a Christian and thought that perhaps you may understand where I am coming from. No one else really seems to get it, and I don't have many people to talk to right now anyway. I would love some advice.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I love that you have a passion that leads you to a deeper understanding of God. That's what we were created to do...to know God and make Him known and we're all going to do that a little bit differently. The response to this post inspired me to start a blog all about being an INTJ woman. It's tough to do it alone, so maybe we don't have to! http://theintjlife.blogspot.com/
DeleteTo my INTJ Sisterhood...I never realized that my own struggles of feeling displaced and misunderstood were so common for us INTJ women. Of course there aren't many of us, so I haven't met many others to compare life notes with. But, it has been equally encouraging to me to hear your feedback and to know that I'm not alone in my sentiments.
ReplyDeleteI encourage you to pursue the passion God has put in your heart. As long as it is led by God, no societal pressures or self-imposed boundaries should stop you. Find a life partner who embraces who you are and is willing to break some of the traditional molds for marriage to let you flourish. Find a Godly community who understands that women are more than wife and mothers in the Kingdom of God and helps develop your gifts to serve the Lord.
I feel like I'm learning to embrace who God made me, but then don't always know what to do with that...so it's a journey and an unfinished process...but that's what life with Christ is I suppose! If you feel like being yourself most days makes life a constant battle then you're not alone. But, if you are seeking the Lord and following His design for your life, then it is worth it in the end! God didn't make a mistake when He made us the way He did, so embrace what makes you tick and you will have a greater impact on His Kingdom!
Hello :) I googled "Christian INTJ woman" and your blog post popped up in the search results. I'm a 22 year old INTJ girl & I can totally relate to your experiences too. It's tough being myself when I can obviously see how different I am & how people react towards my "differentness". And yes, I too wonder why God made me the way I am, as a female. I sometimes think it'd be easier being any other type, I dunno. Your words are an encouragement & in recent years, I have felt God telling me to live my design, just the way He has created me to be. It's a struggle most of the time but at the end of the day, it is who I am made to be & the same goes to all of you INTJ sisters. :) And in relation to men, I guess I need to have faith that God has a very understanding & equally unique mate for me too, who'd be able to love me in all my INTJness.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you & yes, we need more female INTJ Christian role models. :)
I am so excited! You are a Christian!!!!I recently discovered that I am an INTJ. I use to be a an INFJ but what happened is that God began to mature my emotions. He had me thinking logically about things. As you know the enemy loves to play with the emotions and my emotions was leading me into all kinds of trouble. I have come to realize that I love people but I don't want to work in a setting where I have to be involved in christmas parties, etc. I just don't like to blend my life with co-workers. I am very professional but I am realizing that my professionalism bothers at alot o people. In a extroverted atmosphere, they are touchy feely, all over emotional about things. I am not. I am friendly on the job but I keep my private life away. I find myself interested in computers or egineering where I can use my logical thoughts and put plans in actions. I just hate when I feel that I have to change myself to fits someone else personality to make them finally feel good. And that has happened on the job and its stressful.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a life-long journey of maturing and understanding who God made us to be. If you believe the theory behind Myers Briggs (Jung's theory), we are always the same type throughout life, but sometimes it takes us awhile to arrive at a true fit while we figure ourselves out! One thing that God continues to stretch me in is to be ME, but someone who still reflects His love and care for others...which takes me outside of my comfort zone often! Even though I'd rather not have to put priority on relationships (fankly, it'd be a lot easier!), I can't be an active part of the Kingdom of God without them! I think I'll always be working on figuring out the balance, and I think that's OK :).
DeleteFun post to read. As a part of the INTJ women's club as well, I've personally never thought it was "tough" being an INTJ woman. Granted, I don't shine in ever social setting (100% agree with you on the baby & wedding showers deal!), but I didn't grow up in a community that gave me cause to diminish my gifts or amplify my shortcomings.
ReplyDeleteIn fact I've never understood the notion that we "feel less" than others. On the contrary, I think it is that we feel so deeply about things that we pull up barriers for our own preservation. We can't all be bleeding hearts, and someone has to be the strong one when things go down hill. *laughs*
Yes, I tended to hold grudges, demand complete justice at all cost, and sulk at (what I believe to be) undue criticism...But then I'm usually the one to ask questions no one thinks about, see things in a way removed from bias (or as some would say "human emotion"), and use my love of learning as a daily goal to teach and be taught by others.
I'm proud of being a female INTJ. Even though occasionally I'm tempted to think myself better than others, I know I'm just one tint on the beautiful color-wheel of God's many shades of personalities. And even though we drive each other crazy sometimes, I glad for all the variety. ^-^
My thoughts on being an INTJ:
http://paradeofinsanity.blogspot.com/2009/07/intj-or-why-im-weird.html
It's awesome to know there are others out there like me (even if we are only 0.8 of the population). I am only 13 and have already begun to notice so many differences between me and all the other girls. I hate romantic movies and books, shopping, weddings, etc. I prefer to watch action and horror movies and talk about politics, the Bible, etc. I am also extremely independent and have no desire to marry. I believe God will use me in his own way.
ReplyDeleteYour comments have touched me deeply. So very glad to find Christian intj women. I cannot begin to tell of all the struggles I have had in my 54 years but it has been difficult. A lot of rejection betrayal and disappointment. Never finding anyone to confide or connect with yet always trying. Have been a Christina for 25 years. I am finally starting to realize that I am not weird, but unique. Praise God.
ReplyDeleteWow...Here I was thinking that the probability of religious INTJ's was low. Maybe there is some sort of sampling bias related to this blogs advertisement patterns. It might not be desirable, but never the less I hope you all had lots of kids (with other I/ENTP/J's) since personality is probably strongly heritable.
ReplyDeletehELLO.. THANK YOU. i NEEDED TO HEAR WHAT YOU PUT DOWN HERE. iT IS GOOD TO KNOW THERE ARE MORE LIKE ME...
ReplyDeleteWow! Reading these posts I realise I'm not alone. I, too, am an INTJ female. I'm currently almost 40, yet still, I struggle with feeling "un-girly" and socially inept. Sometimes I feel really shy, yet I'm very assertive which throws people off. It seems like I've been given the message all my life that "you're not OK as you are". Just the other day, I described myself to a coworker as a "freak of nature" so I was pretty shocked to see a fellow INTJ describing herself precisely the same way! As far as my faith, I struggle profoundly, especially given the attitude many churches take. It seems that most don't even like introverts, let alone INTJ females. We're supposed to be bubbly, cheerful, huggy, touchy-feely, beams of sunshine-and I'm really, really not. I'm married to a much older man (who is wonderful!) and want no children. My career is in bacteriology, and I love math and science. The level of solitude I crave is almost pathological at times, and I struggle with "not liking people" (another big no-no in the Christian world). There have been times I've wondered if I have Asperger's-but really, I think I'm just an extreme female INTJ who is struggling to find herself and accept herself, even now. I still cannot figure out why God made me this way and I'm so glad I found this blog! What a blessing.
ReplyDeleteAm 22 an a Christian and INTJ as well, coming to terms with it. I'm already in management and I do my job with vigour but without even knowing why I seem to rub people the wrong way. I love being alone and sometimes I feel lonely this is perhaps my biggest struggle right now... that and shopping!I simply just am not interested in buying clothes.
ReplyDeleteThanks all for sharing
Awesome post Adria! I've known for well at least 6 years that I was an INTJ, having taken the personality test on a random boring afternoon but never actually looking into it beyond knowing that I was in the 1-2% of the overall range (I even took it a couple months ago and it came back the same..lol just wanted to double check). It always seemed more like a guy's personality to me- as I come off way independent and not prone to being super emotional. Then tonight looking for women INTJ I stumbled upon here :) Definitely an encouragement (since we make up 0.8%). Sometimes in my Christian walk it has seemed at odds with how independent and creative God has created me-but His plans definitely have turned out way better than anything I ever could have hoped for. He's given me a job which I love (doctor) and a passion for others by which I can show His love. I haven't met the man he's planned for me (if it's meant to be)- well one that could stand up to my crazy independence and opinions while also giving me the personal space to be introverted. But I just wanted to encourage you back...because even in this tiny way your ministry and His love shown through. You and yours will be in my prayers (I grew up in the church- mpk) since the life you lead truly requires someone with such a strong personality and love for God. May God bless you in all that you do :)
ReplyDeleteChristian, Woman AND INTJ? Me too! And the weird gets all over me all the time.
ReplyDeleteAww I feel like I've finally found friends (but not in 'real life'.. bummer). I struggle with ALL the same things.. I don't get along with other girls AT ALL. I try, but they just don't get me. The thing is though, I think I'm super awesome and I can't figure out why they don't feel the same way about me! I also feel shy most of the time but then I surprise people with how UN-shy I am. I also rub people the wrong way, even when I'm really trying to be nice, loving, and accepting of them. It isn't good.. I can't have ZERO bridesmaids at my wedding! I try to try different methods all the time to blend in.. but trying to carry on an uninteresting and emotionally draining brainless conversation just kills me and I'm not a good liar at all.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but you cannot be an INTJ and have ALL of the characteristics and also be a "Christ-follower." It is non-sensical.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, I love an opportunity to think more deeply about things and your comment certainly made me do that! I actually wrote about it:
Deletehttp://theintjlife.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-faith-of-intj.html
(I accidentally deleted this comment...so I'm posting it here.)
ReplyDeleteIronmistress has left a new comment on your post "I'm an INTJ Woman and a Freak of Nature":
I am an INTJ woman as well, and I have a most atypical profession for a woman as a metallurgist. What you wrote on INTJ women could describe me just as well - it was as if I had looked on the mirror and seen myself on your text. I have always been somewhat awkward on social situations and never really fitted in, but intellectual pursuits are bread and water to me. I also like sailing, flying, archery, historical re-enactment and other similar activities which combine both intellect and physical performance.
INTJs make excellent scientists, engineers, researchers and designers because of their analytical approach on life and nature, and because they can compartmentalize their emotions, intuition and reasoning in different niches and work on one at a time. For me, being a woman in an atypical, stereotypically masculine, profession was a natural choice of career. And after all, both the white lab coat and thermal protection suit hide quite well your carnal shell, leaving out only on how you act and behave, not what your form or appearance is.
If you have seen the TV series "Sherlock", which is about the Sherlock Holmes adventures transferred to modern era, the main character is an INTJ to extreme. Arthur Conan Doyle originally meant Holmes as INTP, but he is more alike INTJ.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI saw this page and also your INTJ Life blog.
I know INTJ females often feel like freaks. They face specific challenges.
On my page on INTJ, which I've linked to, I write about that topic. I hope you'll check it out and share it.
I've gotten to hear from a lot of INTJ females through that page. There are some great people among them.
It's also interesting that you are INTJ and religious. I've actually had people tell me before they didn't think an INTJ could be religious but I've met enough INTJ's that are religious to know that isn't the case, necessarily.
my twins...so nice to meet you. Let's connect further. Gretchen Smith. http://www.facebook.com/people/tallartist
ReplyDeletejust wanted to chime in a hello... christian woman here, INTJ and fellow freak of nature :) thank you for sharing your thoughts. its good to see a sisterhood on this post.
ReplyDeleteI am an INTJ female. I don't think of myself of a freak of nature, but I feel rather extraordinary. I have always noticed that I think in a different, more rational way than most people I have met, no matter if they are older or younger. But I notice that most people come to quick conclusions based on little or no information or reasoning. I have been INTJ all my live, and I have taken the Myers Briggs many times. Its so funny that you view yourself as a freak of nature, and I was talking to a friend at work who discovered he had a very common personality type and was "just like everyone else." He said he wanted to be special! He wanted to be like you and me (and the other INTJ female at my job).
ReplyDeleteThis. She's right, you're not a "freak of nature."
DeleteIt is so nice to hear about other INTJ women, especially ones who are family and religion oriented. I, too, found it comforting to know that I can be "explained" through this test. Now I know I'm not "crazy," just different and that my differences make me special. Sometimes, I think it can be lonely being an INTJ women, especially at a baby shower where everyone is giggling, squealing, and hugging. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteAs one of those rare INTJ women, I have a hard time believing that an INTJ would deign to believe in the Imaginary. Sorry but I reckon you're full of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm an INTJ as well..and not ally INTJ's are atheists or agnostics like that blogger above me..I've been a Christian since forever and didn't change it no matter what school I went to. I think faith is actually the most logical thing we have as human beings.
ReplyDeleteI never get along with other girls easily unless they are easy-going. Most women annoy me to death. The clingy-feely type are the WORST to me and I cannot stomach being around them for more than ten minutes..
I just stumbled upon your blog. Knowing I am an INTJ for several years, I have never meet another woman who is also a Christian. So, very happy to know that there are others in the FON (freak of nature) clik.
ReplyDeleteTotally relate what ya'll are saying.
„I have always been the tall girl, the Christian girl, the homeschooled girl, the girl who didn't drink, the girl with her nose in a book, etc., and if those weren't enough I was the girl who didn't really think or act like a girl.“
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I found out about Myers Briggs (and INTJ) today. This sentence could be word after word written in my curriculum, even with the homeschooling! :D
If you heard of tiny country called the Czech Republic, that's the place where I've been living for 20 years. And if you've heard about Václav Klaus, that's our ex-president and the only INTJ person in our country I know about (right now). I liked him a lot ealrier before I KNEW we share the same personality :D
But even if I am OK with myself, I still get surprised by hearing words like this from fellow student:
„You know, earlier I thought I would ask you for phone number, but now i realize...“
„What, you are scared of me?“
(...) „..yeah.“
Good luck with people! :)
Ludmila
Hey, I just found your other blog. My name is Ruth and I am a believing INTJ woman as well, how delightful it is to find you! I definitely don't fit the female stereotypes, but that doesn't bother me. If it bothers other people, I'm pretty sure that's their problem and not mine ;) since they are obviously wrong and I am right. (Being an INTJ is so TERRIFIC sometimes, don't you think?)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the forging a new path thing, eh, sister? Sounds like you are doing good things! "If the whole body were an eye," and whatnot...God made each of us, and as you are no doubt aware, every "type" has its own strengths and gifts, and since we are sinful, its own potential pitfalls. God is good and does what He wants.
Thanks so much for your blogs. Fun read!
I, too, am a INTJ Christian woman. I have struggled for years with who I am, spent so much time in prayer asking God to change me, and have finally come to realize that God made me the way I am for a reason. The area I live in is very clannish and I am not from here, I am very different from all the other women (as you well know). God has placed me where I am so that I can see how isolated and alone Jesus must have felt when He was on earth. I have a new found respect for who I am and now carry the INTJ personality with honor. I'm so glad that I found this post. Thank you!
ReplyDeletelol you sound like an esfp...this coming fr. an intj x 100. no offense , being humorous
ReplyDeleteThis is a great blog. After reading the posts, I will find some strength through my faiith. I've always felt awkward, a rarity, alien, etc. I've even gone to the extremes of attempting to strengthen my E, S, F and P with no success. So I've proven that God has indeed made me this way. Today, I will embrace being an INTJ and see what happens. Thanks.
ReplyDelete